The Divine Pattern of Marriage
What may be corrupted as a military instruction, is actually a divine guideline for sensible living in a marriage. The Apostle Paul's words in Ephesians chapter five, particularly the part for wives to “submit” to their husbands and for husbands to be the "head" of the wife, present a profound and often misunderstood picture of the marital relationship. To truly grasp this divine pattern, we must go beyond a modern-day, surface-level reading and examine the original Greek, focusing on the finished work of Christ, which transforms all human relationships and ultimately finds its glorious consummation in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
First, let us clarify a critical translation. What is translated as "church" in the King James Version of our Bibles is actually a corruption of the original Greek word ekklēsia. This word does not refer to a building or an organization. It simply means "called out from amongst" or "summoned." An ekklēsia can be a single person or a group of people. The act of ekklēsia is to be summoned or called out from the "kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of Light," and from the "kingdom of death into the Kingdom of Life." As stated in 1 Peter 2:9 (KJV), "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light."
The word "church" in the Bible is a foreign word borrowed from the Germanic word kirche, which originated from a medieval Greek word meaning "the house of the Lord." This word has no resemblance to the original word ekklēsia. Therefore, when Paul uses the term ekklēsia, he is speaking of those called believers, individuals who have been redeemed by the blood of Christ and called out from the world. This is the body that Christ is the head of, and it is this dynamic body of believers that the husband-wife relationship is to mirror, reflecting the deep, intimate bond between Christ and His redeemed ones, His bride, the ones responding to His proposal, the ones whom He is preparing heavenly marriage feast for.
Kephalē and Hupotassō
A proper understanding of the New Testament's marital guide hinges on the meaning of two key Greek words: hupotassō (submit) and kephalē (head).
The Meaning of Hupotassō
The Greek word for "submit" is hupotassō. While it has military origins, its use in the New Testament is far more nuanced.
Crucially, the command for submission is first given to all believers in the preceding verse: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God" (Ephesians 5:21, KJV). This establishes a foundational principle of mutual submission. The wife's submission is a specific application of this broader, all-encompassing call for believers to defer to one another out of reverence for Christ.
It is a voluntary act of deference, a willingness to cooperate, born not out of inferiority but out of a profound honor for God's divine order. The hupotassō of a wife is not to a master, but to a partner who is called to love her sacrificially. It is an active participation in a mutual relationship, where her role is to align with the partnership in a way that honors both her husband and God's plan. This willing alignment is a physical expression of the spiritual reality where believers joyfully align with Christ, who is the source of their salvation and life.
The Meaning of Kephalē
The Greek word kephalē, translated as "head," is often misunderstood as a simple term for "authority" or "leader." While it can carry this meaning, its primary metaphorical meaning, especially in the context of the New Testament, is "source" or "origin."
Consider the full context in which Paul uses the term: "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the congregation: and he is the saviour of the body" (Ephesians 5:23, KJV). Christ is not merely the ruler of the body; He is its "Saviour" (verse 23) and the one who "nourisheth and cherisheth" it (verse 29). The body receives its life, its sustenance, and its very being from Christ, its source.
Therefore, when Paul says the husband is the kephalē of the wife, he is not merely establishing a chain of command. He is calling the husband to be the source of life, provision, and protection for his wife, just as Christ is the source of life for the called-out ones. This redefines authority not as a position of power to be wielded but as a responsibility to serve, love, and lay down one's life.
A New Foundation
The divine pattern for marriage is not a set of rules but a reflection of the glorious and finished work of Christ. It is a relationship in equal terms, egalitarian - the new foundation. The old covenant, with its laws and structures, was a shadow of the reality found in Christ. He completely fulfilled the demands of the law and ushered in a new covenant, a will and testament based on grace, where our identity is no longer defined by external distinctions like ethnicity or social status, but by our new creation in Him. As Galatians 3:28 (KJV) affirms, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."
This finished work on the cross abolished all forms of a domineering or oppressive hierarchy. It levels the playing field. The cross is the ultimate display of kephalē as a source of self-sacrificial love. Christ, who was God, "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:7, KJV). He humbled Himself, not to be a ruler over us, but to become a servant. He died for His beloved and they are now the called-out ones, and in doing so, He demonstrated that true authority in the kingdom of God is an authority of love and service, not of power.
The very essence of His finished work—His perfect life, sacrificial death, and victorious resurrection—is the foundation of this will-and-testament reality.
This is the pattern the husband is called to follow. His love for his wife is not to be a self-serving, demanding love but a Christ-like, self-sacrificial love. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the congregation, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25, KJV). This love is a conscious choice to cherish, nourish, and sanctify his wife, a powerful and transformative act that directly mirrors Christ's redemptive work for His people. As Paul writes in Colossians 3:19 (KJV), "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
For the wife, her hupotassō is not a begrudging obedience but a beautiful and dignified response to this kind of sacrificial love. It is her divine privilege to align with a partnership that beautifully reflects the relationship between Christ and the redeemed ones. Her submission is not to a dominant figure but to a partner who, in his love and service, has become a living picture of Christ. As 2 Corinthians 6:16 (KJV) states, "For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."
The Bride’s Righteousness and the Marriage Feast
The culmination of this divine design for marriage is found in the final union of Christ with His bride, the ekklēsia, at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. The earthly marriage is a foreshadowing of this ultimate, heavenly union. As the Amplified Bible puts it, "The marriage of the Lamb [at last] has come, and His bride has prepared herself. She has been permitted [given freely] to dress in fine (radiant) linen, dazzling and white—for the fine linen is (signifies, represents) the righteousness (the upright, just, and godly living, deeds, and conduct, and right standing with God) of the saints (God’s holy people)" (Revelation 19:7-8).
This "fine linen" is not a righteousness the bride earned, but a marriage gift, one that was freely granted, a testament to Christ's perfect sacrifice on the cross. We know this from Isaiah 61:10 (KJV): "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels."
The phrase "covered in garments of salvation" in the original Hebrew is a powerful pictograph that speaks of being "totally covered with Jesus," our Yahushua (Jesus), the Hand consumed by desire. He is our righteousness, as 2 Corinthians 5:21 (KJV) makes clear: "For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." As Romans 4:6 (KJV) also says, "Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works."
The Marriage Proposal - Called, Chosen, and Faithful
This ultimate gift of righteousness brings clarity to another one of Jesus's powerful statements: "many are called, but few are chosen." This is not a message of exclusion but a profound revelation of God's grace, echoing the story of David's anointing in 1 Samuel 16. Just as Jesse called all his sons, but only David (the beloved), the least likely, was chosen to be king, so too does God offer an unrestricted invitation to all humanity.
The parables of the vineyard workers and the wedding feast confirm this message. The workers who did the least work received the full wage of grace, and the guest who was cast out was not for being unworthy, but for rejecting the King’s free gift of a wedding garment—His righteousness.
The full meaning of this becomes clear in Revelation 17:14: "and they that are with him are called, and chosen, and faithful." The called are those who receive the salvation invitation. The chosen are the recipients of the Father's divine election, a decision rooted in His eternal love and grace. And the faithful are those who respond to the call and accept the Father's choice through faith in His Son, Jesus.
The husband's role as a loving source in marriage is a temporal reflection of Christ's eternal role, and the wife’s joyous alignment is a physical expression of the spiritual readiness and receipt of the bride for the proposal of the Lamb. The whole of the Bible is about Jesus, our righteousness, and His love for us, His ekklēsia. Every marriage lived out in accordance with these principles serves as a powerful testimony (even a prophesy) to the grace and redemptive work of the Lord.
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